and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize