Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
