He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how drunk are you?
Several
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
