Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
