I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So apparently I’m into choking now
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