remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
