Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
