Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
