We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
