Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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