Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
