it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
