why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
