bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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