Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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