Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
