So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
