she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
