Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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