I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
