my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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