I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
