There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
