it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
