grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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