A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
