dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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