Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
