dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
