either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
