i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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