How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
