The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
