I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize