i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
