you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
