so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
