You're a womanizer and a bitch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
