I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
