I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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