You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
