I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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