i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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