Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
