piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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