i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
