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so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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