i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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