Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
