i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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