I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
