u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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