So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
