I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sponge bath it is.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
