Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
