I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
