sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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