he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
