HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck appropriateness.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
