dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize