So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
