Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just high enough for therapy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
