I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
