What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
