i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
