also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
