She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
