Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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