the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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