I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
