Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
