The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
