He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
