I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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