i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
