Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
