she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
