I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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