So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
