I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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