In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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