you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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