So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize