May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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