If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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