I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
