We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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