i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
