I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone says I win the strip club
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize