Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
