I hate all girls vehemently.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
