yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
