my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
