ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
