good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
