Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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