You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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