Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
