Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
