Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize