My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
