Only a mothe r could love this liver
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
