i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
