she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize