Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
