I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
