Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry my hands just texted you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
