Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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