Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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