you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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